Reflecting

I just printed out the reading for the last homework assignment for this class. It's almost over: this class, this month, this semester, this learning season.

As I've been staring at the papers I should be writing, I've been reflecting on what I will be taking from this semester.

What I will be taking from Biblical Heritage is a far greater knowledge of not only the Bible, but Christian ethics and the Christian faith. As I listen to people discuss issues and hear them cite passages from the Bible, I no longer have to take people at their word. I know how to research an ethical issue. I know how to evaluate a biblical argument. Gone are the days when I felt lost in the Bible and the world of questions and answers that it comes with.

I am also taking a world of knowledge from my other classes, especially World V.
...especially World V. That class has completely rocked my world. Completely.

This semester, more than any other, has changed me. No longer am I looking from assignment to assignment and paper to paper. Instead, I am really evaluating and applying what I am learning. I am realizing that what I am learning matters. It matters for my own mental well-being and it matters because it will influence my efficacy as a citizen in the world and within the Christian community.

This semester has also been my least busy since...well, perhaps junior year of high school.

I've realized that I work more efficiently when my days are filled.
That I missed music more than I actually knew.
That I neglected friendships for homework, and that the trade-off wasn't worth it.
That I need to be around people.
That alone time is to be cherished.
That there are a lot more good movies out there than I realized.
That even when school isn't bogging me down, I still have to set aside quiet time for God. God is just as hard to hear when I am socializing as he is when I am studying.
That I still don't have a direction.
That the most important lessons this semester have been learned outside of the classroom.

How the world is, could be, and should be.

I have trouble with issues such as cloning and abortion because I can so easily see both sides. So often, the two sides are arguing not only opposing sides, but opposing views. More often than not, the 'Christian' side of the issue is focusing on the way the world could or should be while others are arguing for the way the world is right now. In a perfect, Christian world, abortion would not be an issue. No woman or couple would ever have to consider what to do with an unwanted or unexpected child because they would be living in a supportive community willing to take on the responsibility of that child. In the world as it exists today, unexpected pregnancies occur at an alarming rate and social sanctions, fear, economic incapability, or dozens of other reasons make abortion become an appealing option. In the world as it is, is it ethical to let a child live a life in squalor and without love? Is it ethical for a disabled child to be born to older adults who will soon be struggling with their own health? Who is willing to help these people? Is it ethical if they have no support, but unethical is they do? What is our responsibility as Christians? We live in the world as it is, but see what the world could become. We see women struggling with the decision of abortion as a result of minimal education, especially about sexual safety, who now have bleak socioeconomic hopes. What is most fair to her? Do we allow her to abort her child in order to have hope at a life the fulfills her rather than punishes her for the position her birth placed her in? Or do we encourage her to take this up as a cross and bear it? What if she is not a Christian? Should we support legal abortion for non-Christians because of the alternative? Is it not better to have legal abortion rather than see women die because of the unsafe illegal abortion that they are forced to resort to? Or do we try to construct the world that we live in to become the world that we want it it be? Do we make abortion illegal because in the world as it could be, abortion wouldn't even be an issue? Where do we draw the line between accepting the reality of our world and hoping to change it for the better???

That was my discussion board post.


I am really lost for answers right now. How do we reconcile those worldviews?
How the world is, how it could be, and how it should be.

Okay, yes, I stole that phrase from social world, but I think it really applies here. I don't really know where to go from here. Like I just posted, I have the worst spirit of discernment. I feel lost as to how I should view the world.

I can't help it. I like facts. I like knowing right from wrong and cannot deal with the overwhelmingly frustrating feeling that accompanies knowing that there are so few times that there is black and right truth, black and white right and wrong.

I know that I am SO flawed, SO confused, SO incapable of making huge decisions on my own, but I have the WORST spirit of discernment. As a result, ethical issues drive me insane. It goes something like this:

"God, I love these people who are doing things that I always thought were wrong. They say that they love you just as much as I do, but they are able to find a justification for what they are doing. Well God, you make it really hard for me to hear you, which I know is probably my fault in some way because this means that I'm probably not listening in the right way, but I need to know what to think about this issue now! I am having to talk to this person now! God, you say that you will be there for me when I need you, but you are making me really emotionally and ethically unstable right now. What should I think? Who is right? What is right? Which interpretation is right? How do I know that I'm not being led astray?"

You know what I just realized.....other people are going through the same thing. When I think that I finally have something right and try to share that with other people, they may have the same reaction that I do: "How do they know what is right? Why is what I'm doing wrong? I didn't think it was wrong... Why do they think that they are better in tune with what God wants? God sure hasn't shown me that this is wrong in any other way!"

Everyone is getting by doing the best that they can.. No one intentionally chooses the "wrong side" of an ethical issue. No one intentionally acts immorally. Maybe it takes a while, but we're the only ones who can finally rectify our own mistakes through God.

Huh.

I have been judgmental...