Reflecting

I just printed out the reading for the last homework assignment for this class. It's almost over: this class, this month, this semester, this learning season.

As I've been staring at the papers I should be writing, I've been reflecting on what I will be taking from this semester.

What I will be taking from Biblical Heritage is a far greater knowledge of not only the Bible, but Christian ethics and the Christian faith. As I listen to people discuss issues and hear them cite passages from the Bible, I no longer have to take people at their word. I know how to research an ethical issue. I know how to evaluate a biblical argument. Gone are the days when I felt lost in the Bible and the world of questions and answers that it comes with.

I am also taking a world of knowledge from my other classes, especially World V.
...especially World V. That class has completely rocked my world. Completely.

This semester, more than any other, has changed me. No longer am I looking from assignment to assignment and paper to paper. Instead, I am really evaluating and applying what I am learning. I am realizing that what I am learning matters. It matters for my own mental well-being and it matters because it will influence my efficacy as a citizen in the world and within the Christian community.

This semester has also been my least busy since...well, perhaps junior year of high school.

I've realized that I work more efficiently when my days are filled.
That I missed music more than I actually knew.
That I neglected friendships for homework, and that the trade-off wasn't worth it.
That I need to be around people.
That alone time is to be cherished.
That there are a lot more good movies out there than I realized.
That even when school isn't bogging me down, I still have to set aside quiet time for God. God is just as hard to hear when I am socializing as he is when I am studying.
That I still don't have a direction.
That the most important lessons this semester have been learned outside of the classroom.

How the world is, could be, and should be.

I have trouble with issues such as cloning and abortion because I can so easily see both sides. So often, the two sides are arguing not only opposing sides, but opposing views. More often than not, the 'Christian' side of the issue is focusing on the way the world could or should be while others are arguing for the way the world is right now. In a perfect, Christian world, abortion would not be an issue. No woman or couple would ever have to consider what to do with an unwanted or unexpected child because they would be living in a supportive community willing to take on the responsibility of that child. In the world as it exists today, unexpected pregnancies occur at an alarming rate and social sanctions, fear, economic incapability, or dozens of other reasons make abortion become an appealing option. In the world as it is, is it ethical to let a child live a life in squalor and without love? Is it ethical for a disabled child to be born to older adults who will soon be struggling with their own health? Who is willing to help these people? Is it ethical if they have no support, but unethical is they do? What is our responsibility as Christians? We live in the world as it is, but see what the world could become. We see women struggling with the decision of abortion as a result of minimal education, especially about sexual safety, who now have bleak socioeconomic hopes. What is most fair to her? Do we allow her to abort her child in order to have hope at a life the fulfills her rather than punishes her for the position her birth placed her in? Or do we encourage her to take this up as a cross and bear it? What if she is not a Christian? Should we support legal abortion for non-Christians because of the alternative? Is it not better to have legal abortion rather than see women die because of the unsafe illegal abortion that they are forced to resort to? Or do we try to construct the world that we live in to become the world that we want it it be? Do we make abortion illegal because in the world as it could be, abortion wouldn't even be an issue? Where do we draw the line between accepting the reality of our world and hoping to change it for the better???

That was my discussion board post.


I am really lost for answers right now. How do we reconcile those worldviews?
How the world is, how it could be, and how it should be.

Okay, yes, I stole that phrase from social world, but I think it really applies here. I don't really know where to go from here. Like I just posted, I have the worst spirit of discernment. I feel lost as to how I should view the world.

I can't help it. I like facts. I like knowing right from wrong and cannot deal with the overwhelmingly frustrating feeling that accompanies knowing that there are so few times that there is black and right truth, black and white right and wrong.

I know that I am SO flawed, SO confused, SO incapable of making huge decisions on my own, but I have the WORST spirit of discernment. As a result, ethical issues drive me insane. It goes something like this:

"God, I love these people who are doing things that I always thought were wrong. They say that they love you just as much as I do, but they are able to find a justification for what they are doing. Well God, you make it really hard for me to hear you, which I know is probably my fault in some way because this means that I'm probably not listening in the right way, but I need to know what to think about this issue now! I am having to talk to this person now! God, you say that you will be there for me when I need you, but you are making me really emotionally and ethically unstable right now. What should I think? Who is right? What is right? Which interpretation is right? How do I know that I'm not being led astray?"

You know what I just realized.....other people are going through the same thing. When I think that I finally have something right and try to share that with other people, they may have the same reaction that I do: "How do they know what is right? Why is what I'm doing wrong? I didn't think it was wrong... Why do they think that they are better in tune with what God wants? God sure hasn't shown me that this is wrong in any other way!"

Everyone is getting by doing the best that they can.. No one intentionally chooses the "wrong side" of an ethical issue. No one intentionally acts immorally. Maybe it takes a while, but we're the only ones who can finally rectify our own mistakes through God.

Huh.

I have been judgmental...

role reversal

Hypocrisy.

That has been the word that comes to mind lately when I think of the church as a whole.

I had a discussion with a friend a few days ago. She has a strong heart for social justice and equality; she describes herself as having "a fire inside." Shortly after coming to Baylor her freshman year, she struggled immensely with her faith. She knew what was right, but could not reconcile her beliefs with the words and actions of so many professed believers at Baylor. Hypocrites. That's the word she used to describe the people around her. Now, she still adheres to the Christian faith and lives out her convictions, but no longer attends church. She is too dissatisfied with the institution.

My boyfriend has had a similar experience. He grew up in church, but after a while, grew to resent the people who so openly condemned others while they themselves were so flawed. He too described them as hypocrites. He comes to church with me occasionally on Sundays, but tells me that the worship is the only thing that keeps him coming. Music is his passion and his connection to God and one of the few things he sees church good for providing.

I too see the hypocrites around me, but I can't abandon the church. I know too little on my own and cannot be my own support. I need the church, even if it has gone astray in many ways. The hypocrites bother me to no end, but I cannot abandon them either. What has happened in their hearts to make them so blind? Is it the same thing that happens in my heart when I am blinded? If I turn my back on the church while it is struggling, it is just as bad the church turning its back on me while I am struggling. I am a hypocrite too, so the church and I must support each other. If I call out the church without holding myself accountable as well, I am not better than the thing I am condemning.

Weber comes to mind and his theories on bureaucracy. The church has inevitably become bureaucratized and according to Weber, this was inevitable. Unfortunately, bureaucracies are difficult to change once they are set and easily corrupted by a single leader. In a social world paper, I argued that reaffirmed individual convictions are the only ways to change a corrupt bureaucracy. That's why I have to stay a part of the thing that causes so many problems. I stay because I love it and it has loved me. I see its history and its potential. It needs the help of those who see its cracks and flaws because those who are blind to them cannot see to patch them up. If the only ones with sight abandon a crumbling building, then eventually it will just fall and crush all of those who were left behind. Individuals must help the church. Role reversal.

law of the land

Hays, Paul, Jesus, Matthew, Mark, and those other distinguished gentlemen all have me thinking...

I'm getting a little ahead, so I am currently working on the reading for Thursday and I happen to find the passages that Hays highlights fascinating. Mark 10:2-12 tells the story of the Pharisees asking Jesus about divorce and trying to trap him by getting him to oppose the Law of Moses. All too often I feel as though I am living in a culture of the Pharisees. In our technology based world, nothing exists if it cannot be proven, if there are not rules and proofs for its existence. If you don't know the rules of the techno-world, then you will never survive in it. The Pharisees knew all of the rules and were living by rules alone, much as I feel like we are living in a world of rules and facts. This concept applies to the modern Christianity as well. If, in a discussion with a secular member of society, a Christian cannot provide exact citations quoting exact laws proving an exact action wrong, then I feel as though the ideas and ideals of Christians are often discounted.

But more than that.

I feel like we are attacking one another within the church too.

Each side of any theological argument seems to cling to the verses that bolster their argument. Christians everywhere are relentless in proving which specific actions are and are not appropriate by searching for Biblical proof. Proof, facts, condemning verses - all are constantly quested for by Christians.

Or we reject that attitude and simply rely on principle.

Love you neighbor, don't judge, look the other way when someone does something wrong because hey, you've screwed up too.

We warp and twist and take the Bible out of context. We use it to shove our proof of others' wrongness down their throats and hurl our own interpretations of it at our fellow Christians.



This - all of this - strikes me as wrong. So very wrong.

There has to be a balance.


I wish that I knew what the balance was, but I know that we have not found it collectively.

Functionally godless.

Work with me as I tease through my thoughts.

I just finished reading a chapter out of Richarld L. Rubenstein's "The Cunning of History: The Holocaust and the American Future." While there are about a million things in that book that I could talk about, a few pages out of his last chapter really caught my attention.

Prepare yourself for a long quote:

"When men and women reflect on the theological significance of Auschwitz, they tend to reduce the issue to the problem of theodicy. How, they ask, could the all-wise, all-powerful Lord of History have permitted so great an evil? Undoubtedly, the question of God and human evil is one of the most serious problems arising out of the Holocaust. However, there are other issues of more immediate consequence. To the best of my knowledge, no theologian has attempted to deal with the problems implicit in the fact that the Nazis probably committed no crime at Auschwitz. The natural temptation of theologians would be to assert the existence of either a natural or a God-ordained law binding upon all men and nations in terms of which the Holocaust can be judged. Unfortunately, even if it were possible to prove that such a law exists, it is difficult to see what practical difference that would make in the arena of contemporary politics.

Let us assume that such a law exists and that leaders of the major religions could agree on its contents. What would the penalties for violating it and the means whereby it could be enforced? In an earlier age, men and women genuinely stood in awe of the punitive wrath of divinity, but is this any longer true? Does not the Holocaust demonstrate that there are absolutely no limits to the degradation and assault the managers and technicians of violence can inflict upon men and women who lack the power of effective resistance? If there is a law that is devoid of all penalty when violated, does it have any functional significance in terms of human behavior? Is not a law which carries no penalties functionally equivalent to no law at all? Even if it could be demonstrated that it exists, can if not be safely ignored? We are sadly forced to conclude that we live in a world that is functionally godless and that human rights and dignity depend upon that power of one's community to grant of withhold them from its members" (90-91).


The earlier age that Rubenstein mentions very much so describes the Biblical ages. If you did not live according to the will of God, if you did not follow his laws concerning human rights then you were in danger of being punished by a wrathful God. God gave his people those rules because he knew that they would follow them if they were truly engaged in a relationship with him and the people knew that there would be consequences if they did not obey. It can be concluded that if God created laws essentially protecting human rights that human rights were being violated. The socially strong had no incentive to respect the rights of others if they were able to gain some good from violating the rights unless the strong were followers of God. If the only incentive to respect others comes from a fear of God, then it makes sense for Rubenstein to conclude that we are living in a functionally godless world. Every violation against another man that occurs strengthens Rubenstien's statement.

So what kind of implications are there when a God-fearing people live a godless world? We see the implications in every instance of religious persecution. In our modern world, Christians and other religious people cannot escape the secular world and as long as we remain in the strong, morally barren secular world, Christians can be expected to be persecuted. And the more separated the church and state become, the more danger we are in of national persecution.

jesus christ superstar

As a child, I was raised in a Christian environment, but I was never a part of the "Christian culture." I did not own Veggie Tales movies, had no idea who David Crowder was until I moved to Waco, and never watched Jesus Christ Superstar.

Take a moment to catch your breath from all the gasping you just did.

While I was reading Mark, I was struck by how constantly Jesus was surrounded by crowds (in fact, I plan on posting about this on phpBB after this). Not crowds of dozens or even hundreds, but thousands. Jesus really was a superstar. Can you imagine? In a time where only the names of kings were known by thousands, Jesus was followed into the middle of nowhere by thousands, even when he wanted to be alone. Our celebrities often complain about a lack of privacy and the constant attention of fans, but which of them has ever been followed by a throng of that magnitude? It is incredible that Jesus was not arrested and killed by the authorities sooner. I can understand why he was seen as a threat by the authorities. The Pharisees have a song in JCS:

Priest
Good Caiaphas
The council waits for you
The Pharisees and priests
Are here for you

Caiaphas
Ah gentlemen, you know why we are here
With not much time, and quite a problem here

Crowd Outside
Hosanna! Superstar!

Annas
Listen to that howling mob
Of blockheads in the street
A trick or two with lepers
And the whole town's on its feet

All
He is dangerous! He is dangerous!

Crowd
Jesus Christ, Superstar
Tell us that you are who they say you are

Priests
He is dangerous, dangerous
That man is in town right now
To whip up some support
A rabble rousing mission
That I think we must abort
He is dangerous

Crowd
Jesus Christ, Superstar

Priests
He is dangerous
Look Caiaphas
They are right outside our yard
Quick Caiaphas
Go call the Roman guard

Caiaphas
No wait, we need a more permanent solution to our problem.

Annas
What shall we do about Jesus of Nazareth?
Miracle worker, pilgrim or fool

Priest
No riots, no Romans, no fighting, no slogans

Caiaphas
One thing to say for him, Jesus is cool

Annas
We dare not leave him to his own devices
His half-witted fans will get out of control

Priest
But how can we stop him, his glamour increases
With every minute, he's top of the pole

Caiaphas
I see bad things arising
The crowd crown him King
Which the Romans would ban
I see blood and destruction
Our elimination because of one man
Blood and destruction
Because of one man

Voices
What can we do about this Jesusmania?
How can we deal with the carpenter king?
Where do we start with a man who is bigger
Than John was when John did his baptism thing?

Caiaphas
Fools! You have no perception
The stakes we are gambling
Are frighteningly high
We must crush him completely
So like John before him
This Jesus must die
For the sake of the nation
This Jesus must die
Must die, must die
This Jesus must die


There is no doubt that Jesus was causing a commotion.

Judas sings:

But every word you say today
Gets twisted 'round some other way.
And they'll hurt you if they think you've lied.
Nazareth, your famous son should have stayed a great unknown
Like his father carving wood He'd have made good.
Tables, chairs, and oaken chests would have suited Jesus best.
He'd have caused nobody harm; no one alarm.

Listen, Jesus, do you care for your race?
Don't you see we must keep in our place?
We are occupied; have you forgotten how put down we are?

I am frightened by the crowd.
For we are getting much too loud.
And they'll crush us if we go too far.
If they go too far....

Listen, Jesus, to the warning I give.
Please remember that I want us to live.
But it's sad to see our chances weakening with every hour.
All your followers are blind.
Too much heaven on their minds.
It was beautiful, but now it's sour.
Yes it's all gone sour.

Judas only betrays Jesus because he fears the cause he joined had turned into a glamourized quest for fame and power. Judas' words ring true when both Caiaphas and Pilate call Jesus the Son of God and King of the Jews, prompting Jesus to say "You're words, not mine." His words became twisted. Jesus was not looking to be a king on earth, but with fame, his intentions became twisted in the eyes of many.

I could talk about this musical all day...

For now, I just want to say that if Judas' intentions were similar to the motives of the JCS Judas, I can sympathize. Fame is frightening, especially when others begin to twist the original cause or purpose. Judas did what he thought was right in the eyes of God, what he thought would save him from eternal damnation. He may have been a traitor, but in Judas' eyes, he was only betraying a lost and corrupted cause.

Do we corrupt Christianity when we popularize it? Do we lose the meaning when the faith is commercialized through slogan t-shirts (its you-who Christ died for)? Is the culture of Christianity hurting us rather than helping us?

Baylor is inundated with the culture of Christianity, and I intend to look for answers to those questions throughout this next week.

God's many hats

I've been thinking about Tuesday's discussion about God as a warrior and I think it makes sense for our perceptions of God to change with our culture. The Israeli people lived during a violent time, rife with war and conquering armies. In this culture, the people would need a God whom they could trust to keep them safe. In short, they needed a strict warrior who could keep an accumulation of tribes connected to one another and defeat their enemies. He is portrayed as no-nonsense, violent, powerful, fearful, strong, and fiercely loyal God.

In today's culture, there is less immediate need for a violent, merciless God. We are constantly overwhelmed with choices, decisions, information, and sensory information. The constant bombardment of information combined with the independence of the West often results in overwhelming loneliness and uncertainty that the right choices are being made. What this culture needs is a loving, forgiving, and present God. These are the attributes of God that are most emphasized in our culture because they are what we need most. We need to be forgiven when we sin in a world rife with sin. We need be loved by someone who will never fail us in a world where so many things and people are fleeting.

aha!

As if BIC wasn't interdisciplinary enough...

Being a PI in World Cultures I and a student in Biblical Heritage has opened my eyes to an entire world of shared/repeated slides...as well as the fact that I probably didn't pay nearly enough attention that first semester in cultures. It is interesting to be studying the same part of the Bible in two different BIC classes; I'm viewing the stories through two different lenses. As I read for BibHert, I cannot help but see the stories through a 'creation story' lens. The story of Adam and Eve, creation, Moses, Noah - they are all myths.

In a sense, I suppose that I always knew that the Bible stories I grew up hearing were not true stories, but I never put much thought into the fact that all other people groups have similar stories. This is a little disconcerting for me. Do I have enough faith to believe that my God and the stories about him are more true than stories about Sumerian gods?

The answer is yes, but I still don't know how to make sense of everything. Once I begin to consider other creation stories and hero tales, I begin to think of the religions of those other people. Were they all completely wrong, or did they just misinterpret God's presence and will? Are we misunderstanding just as much? Jews and Muslims believe in the same God, but there are still so many differences between the three religions. Which one is right? Where did the others go wrong? How can I be sure that I am a part of the right group?

It's a little scary to know that your entire religion relies on faith. It would be more comfortable to have factual evidence proving every attribute of God and each miracle he performed. However, that comfort would miss the point of faith and trust. I have to trust that God is who he says he is and that Christians keep getting it right. I have to learn what I can about the attributes and will of God from each story and be okay with the fact that I may not be reading factual truth. In a world of hard facts and science, its almost as though faith becomes a learned trait. We always want proof, but faith is about not having the proof. And that's hard.

so it begins...

I just submitted my paper topic and to be blunt, I am daunted.

I am not a biblical scholar, nor am I one the dedicated Christians who has memorized most, if not all, of the stories in the Bible.
This isn't just any other research paper; this is a paper over an ethical issue and my task is to discover how I am supposed to respond as my faith dictates.

What?!

Not only is the task of discovering the action I supposed to take concerning one ethical question daunting, but it overwhelms me because I feel like I should be searching for all of the answers to all ethical questions in the Bible.

Why don't I care enough to be constantly checking my actions with the word of God? Does this make me a complacent Christian? Or does the fact that I now understand how I should be searching and my desire to become a better-educated Christian who knows the word of God make it all okay? Is it the effort that counts? Is that another question I should be searching for at the same time??

Is this where faith comes in?

I have so many questions - questions that can never be answered alone or in one lifetime. Is this where I just step back and trust that God will show me what to do, as long I do my part in diligently pursuing him? I think so. I am not an expert in Bible stories or verse memorization, but I know that I have the love of a God who has pursued me diligently. I'm grateful for the call to diligently pursue him as well.

A Belated Beginning

I could pretend that entering a BIC class at the end of the second week doesn't phase me, but then I would be a liar. Paper topics have been chosen, chapters have been read, and discussions have been boarded.

I'm still reading the syllabus.




It's been a hectic week. On Tuesday I was enrolled in 4 social work classes and had a working laptop. Today, I am only taking 4 hours, have a minor, do not have a major, and my laptop has a damaged motherboard.

Translation: a new start. A fresh start.
...all at the cost of stress and a nice chunk of change.



Interpretation:
I cannot thank God enough. I have been blessed with the help of some incredible people, namely the fearless Dr. Nogalski. If anyone knows her favorite dessert, I'm making it for her.

In the midst of the crazy I now find myself in Biblical Heritage, a class in which I will be reading more of the Bible than I ever have. I would still consider myself a relatively new Christian, but that does not excuse my ignorance in many areas of the Bible and Christian thought in general. This class, I believe, will serve as a wake up call. God wants me to pursue him and seek to better understand his will.

I haven't even begun the readings, so perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself my blogging already... no matter, I'm excited for what comes next.